Day 33...
It's hard for me to write this--after all that I've written about. But, Day 33 on GAPS Intro is the end of the GAPS journey for me. For now.
GAPS Intro went great for Andy and Vienna. They benefitted from it greatly, had great responses and completed all six stages of the Intro diet and moved into Full GAPS. I wish I could say the same for myself. It's been a long, confusing, uplifting, discouraging, and trying ride for me. I have felt amazing. And I have also felt terrible. All in all, I was feeling really good being on Intro...like I mentioned in my previous post, I had so much lightness, mind clarity, and I felt really good. But something was still wrong...and I still don't know what it is. I had read several stories of others that have had similar situations on GAPS and have just come to realize that every person is so different and this is such a case-by-case thing. Like I said, it worked great for the rest of my family. But for me, it took a turn to who-knows-where. If I have learned one thing...it is that there is so much to nutrition I can't even wrap my brain around it. You try, you learn, and you keep growing and exploring.
I don't want to discourage GAPS at all...I think it's a great diet. And I think anyone who has eaten a standard americanized diet most of their life can benefit from doing the GAPS Intro, even if it's just quickly for the detox effects. I just wish I could've found the healing that I was looking for...
I mentioned in my previous posts that I was having a hard time progressing from stage to stage. Everything started off fine, but I started getting terrible gas suddenly and didn't know what was causing it. My whole stomach would bloat, churn, ache and was physically noisy. So I went back to the beginning, started at stage 1 and hit the soup regime for a couple days and tried to introduce things again to see what was causing the problem and to give my gut more time to heal. I ate a lot to make sure I was keeping up my calories, and I even added coconut water to my daily intake to replenish electrolytes. I was trying to go through it quickly so that I could have an easier time keeping my calories up...except this time I seemed to react to most everything I tried to add, it was very confusing. SO--I went back to the beginning, AGAIN. Each time I did my symptoms worsened, to the point that this last Sunday I started on stage 1 again and reacted to EVERYTHING I tried to add, except egg yolk. Where before I tolerated Ghee, avocado, scrambled eggs...etc. just fine...suddenly it was all making my stomach hurt. Gas--to the point that my stomach was rock hard, uncomfortable, and sore to touch. And my mood was so up and down from it all...I noticed when I hurt I had a real hard time being energetic and focusing and found myself totally lethargic and lifeless. But then a few hours later I could feel totally amazing again. I wrestled with how long to push through it...and kept pushing and pushing believing it was just a matter of time before I found an answer, but I just wasn't finding one. It made no sense why I seemed to be unable to tolerate things that I could the week before. Then, I started realizing my milk supply was dwindling. The same thing happened with Vienna around this age and I had a hard time finishing her first year out feeding her...but we did it. And I suspect that Finley hasn't been getting enough from me for about 2 months as I look back at his behavior and all that has happened. So on top of trying to figure out what to do about myself, I've been trying to figure out what to do with him and trying to increase my milk supply. I simply just can't do it all...
I can't feed my baby, increase my milk supply, and try to figure out what's going on with me...all at the same time. I needed to prioritize and I wasn't sure which was priority. Was it too late to increase my milk? If I tried, would I succeed? What if I quit GAPS and still couldn't up my milk? With all the issues I've had feeding Finley was it time to switch to an alternative formula? Do I keep trying to stick to GAPS? I wasn't sure. I had put so much effort into this that I just felt so confused, I felt like quitting was giving up...and I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.
Well. I did do it. For 33 days. And it wasn't a failure. It just took a turn that I didn't expect and I had to adjust and make decisions based off of what had occurred.
I started reading others stories about their similar experiences on GAPS and discovered that some people just don't do well on low-carb diets. Everybody's body is different and functions differently, and I think mine was freaking out about the low-carb thing. I started charting my body temperature and discovered that it had lowered almost a full degree below normal. That isn't good! My whole metabolic rate was mixed up. When I discovered this fact, the answer felt easy to me...I needed stop this path, whether it gets put on hold or gets abandoned. I felt like as long as my body is still producing milk I am going to try my dang hardest to increase it so that I can feed my baby. And even if I can't, it still wasn't the path I needed to be on right now with the way my body was reacting. As soon as I made the decision, 100%, I felt so peaceful about it. But it was really stinkin hard to get to the point. I have invested so much into this, and I just really didn't know what the right thing was to do.
Yesterday I made the decision to step away from this. I don't know what the future will hold for me. I do know I still have issues that need healing...and I want to pursue healing them at some point. I also know that by stopping I am going to experience a whole new array of stomach discomfort as I eat things that I haven't eaten in the last month. If I was having issues trying to add them gradually on Intro, I was definitely going to have issues jumping right into a my "normal" diet. But...at this point, functioning with a seriously bloated, very uncomfortable and entirely gassy belly is going to have to be my life for now while I try to produce more milk and get my body a little more back to normal. The first thing I did yesterday after I decided to be done was eat a banana....I felt so much different within a half hour. I ate a few other things and could really feel myself regaining more strength--though, instantly my stomach started hurting. I think I'm going to pretty much go back to how I was eating, but I am going to make it a point to still have soup once a day and make bone broth part of my meals, which is all pretty much the Full GAPS diet. I'd still like to keep my family on that same course. My stomach is freaking out since yesterday...it literally is so swollen that it hurts to touch it...and I have gas like nobody's business (TMI, I know...but I figured if you've read this far you probably care enough to know!) I hope these symptoms don't last long because it's not fun...but my main goal right now is increasing my milk supply. I'm on Fenugreek, drinking lots of Mother's Milk tea, nursing frequently, pumping, and adding even more spoonfuls of fat to every meal (instructions from my midwife!) I hope it works.
It's hard for me to admit that I didn't complete GAPS Intro...and I struggled with feeling like a failure...but, I realized that I'm not. I'm trying to make the best decisions I can for me and my family, and we've had to roll with the way things have played out. I don't want to discourage GAPS at all if anyone is considering doing it...it has been so beneficial, for Andy and Vienna especially, and even for me despite the turn it has taken. I have learned a lot of things through this, and have created a lot of good healthy habits. And I am thankful that we've all taken a step towards a healthier lifestyle.
So here's to a new venture, I'm not sure where it'll take me. :)
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Approaching the End of Intro...
Day 22:
Wow. What a journey so far. Where do I start?
I think the biggest thing I've noticed is just how good we all feel. Andy and I were talking about it last week and we noted how light we feel. Mainly physically, but mentally as well as emotionally. I had read about how people think more clearly after going through Intro and by being on GAPS, but I didn't really understand what they meant until now. I have such an easier time concentrating, I don't get overwhelmed as quickly, and I just feel like my brain is sharper. My energy throughout the day is steadfast...I can't say I don't get tired because, lets face it, I have an 8month old that still isn't sleeping through the night...but whereas before I would have periods during the day where I would just crash, I don't have that at all. It's steady, and it feels awesome.
A huge changed I have noticed, particularly in myself and in Vienna, is our taste for food. We must have had a lot of sugar-thriving-bad-bacteria die off because my whole taste for food has changed. I feel like I'm actually tasting food now...whereas before, I never noticed the richness and flavor of simple foods--I just wanted the sweetness of stuff. 1. My constant sweet craving is entirely gone. Daily, several times a day, I would just want something sweet...even if it was a lick of honey. Though at times things might sound good, I don't really miss it. I haven't had a drop of sugar in 22 days...(and besides a handful of cooked apples I've eaten and a couple tastes of honey in the beginning, I haven't even had sugar in the form of fruit.) The more I don't have things, the easier it is not to even think about them. I have never seen Vienna so excited about food. She has always been a foodie and a good eater, so I'm not surprised that she is savoring the flavor of things as well. She has gotten more excited about her meals than she ever has before, and you can just tell while she's eating that she is entirely enjoying the flavor of everything on her plate or in her bowl. We recently had our first outing to a family members house for the night and I was pretty nervous about Vienna, seeing all the goodies and things she couldn't have. I was so entirely impressed with her...my chest is still beaming. She asked for a few things, but understood when we said she couldn't eat them yet. She handled herself amazingly and seemed to really understand that she could only eat the food that we brought her. Of course I brought her favorites, but where I was expecting meltdowns over cookies and breakfast cereal, she had none.
Which leads to me to point out how I am still shocked at how much food affects our mood, emotions and thoughts. I can feel it in myself, but I can clearly see it in Vienna. Recently I tried to add honey into her diet (after we cheated and she had it on her birthday...) it was like a light got switched. Within the hour she was melting down, throwing tantrums, and couldn't control herself. It is insane to see how one simple thing can make such a difference...and it's been easy to pinpoint what her body isn't quite ready to properly digest yet.
UPDATES:
ANDY- he's done with all six stages of Intro and has moved onto the Full GAPS. He, apparently, had the least amount of digestive issues as he barely reacted to anything and has been able to add things with ease. Though, the healing and detoxifying will still continue on deeper levels the more he keeps on GAPS and slowly adds more foods back into his diet. I haven't asked him when he's going to add coffee yet...shockingly, we both haven't missed it too much.
VIENNA- she's currently in stage 5. She seems to be tolerating raw veggies, and olive oil well, but I can't seem to get her past honey and cooked apples/applesauce for her. They seem to set her off and she seems to get a bit gassy when she has them too. The next thing is for her to start adding raw fruit and until she can tolerate cooked apples/applesauce I am going to hold off trying any other kind. I will probably start adding other options of things like nut butters and different raw veggies while we wait a few more days.
ME- it's been quite a mess of things for me...apparently I must have the most digestive issues out of this bunch. Things went great in the beginning, and then I started having issues eating almost anything except soup. I was tempted to quit several times and just see my family through the rest of Intro, but I knew that if I just went on ahead and started on Full GAPS I would still be dealing with stomach discomfort. I am currently on stage 4. I've had trial and error with almost everything I've added, and I keep going back to the normal soup regime to give myself a couple days and try again. I can't seem to tolerate avocado at all, for some reason, it sends my stomach in serious pain. Since that's one of the first things you add I've just decided to cut it out entirely and keep moving forward, I'll try it again after I complete Intro. I just tried a raw veggie today at lunch for the first time, so we will see how I handle it...it would be nice to progress onto stage 5. I think I could really benefit from going through Intro even slower than I am...however, it is really hard to have everybody on a different page and it's hard to try to keep up my calorie intake for nursing with limited variety. So right now I'm trying to go at a steady pace as slow as I can.
I can't believe we've made it 22 days already. It's been long, but yet it has FLOWN by. As with all diet changes it takes awhile to settle in and for things to feel normal, but I am feeling like I am there. We have a good array of things to eat, we all seem to be enjoying the food a lot, food prep and cooking is not nearly as hard or as time consuming as it was two weeks ago, and heck...grocery shopping is so freaking easy because you blow it all on the same produce and meat and just start cooking things differently. It's really nice actually and less of a headache! We have all gotten used to soup and even Andy said he could eat soup for at least one meal a day in the long run--it really is quite tasty and we are really feeling amazing. :)
Wow. What a journey so far. Where do I start?
I think the biggest thing I've noticed is just how good we all feel. Andy and I were talking about it last week and we noted how light we feel. Mainly physically, but mentally as well as emotionally. I had read about how people think more clearly after going through Intro and by being on GAPS, but I didn't really understand what they meant until now. I have such an easier time concentrating, I don't get overwhelmed as quickly, and I just feel like my brain is sharper. My energy throughout the day is steadfast...I can't say I don't get tired because, lets face it, I have an 8month old that still isn't sleeping through the night...but whereas before I would have periods during the day where I would just crash, I don't have that at all. It's steady, and it feels awesome.
A huge changed I have noticed, particularly in myself and in Vienna, is our taste for food. We must have had a lot of sugar-thriving-bad-bacteria die off because my whole taste for food has changed. I feel like I'm actually tasting food now...whereas before, I never noticed the richness and flavor of simple foods--I just wanted the sweetness of stuff. 1. My constant sweet craving is entirely gone. Daily, several times a day, I would just want something sweet...even if it was a lick of honey. Though at times things might sound good, I don't really miss it. I haven't had a drop of sugar in 22 days...(and besides a handful of cooked apples I've eaten and a couple tastes of honey in the beginning, I haven't even had sugar in the form of fruit.) The more I don't have things, the easier it is not to even think about them. I have never seen Vienna so excited about food. She has always been a foodie and a good eater, so I'm not surprised that she is savoring the flavor of things as well. She has gotten more excited about her meals than she ever has before, and you can just tell while she's eating that she is entirely enjoying the flavor of everything on her plate or in her bowl. We recently had our first outing to a family members house for the night and I was pretty nervous about Vienna, seeing all the goodies and things she couldn't have. I was so entirely impressed with her...my chest is still beaming. She asked for a few things, but understood when we said she couldn't eat them yet. She handled herself amazingly and seemed to really understand that she could only eat the food that we brought her. Of course I brought her favorites, but where I was expecting meltdowns over cookies and breakfast cereal, she had none.
Which leads to me to point out how I am still shocked at how much food affects our mood, emotions and thoughts. I can feel it in myself, but I can clearly see it in Vienna. Recently I tried to add honey into her diet (after we cheated and she had it on her birthday...) it was like a light got switched. Within the hour she was melting down, throwing tantrums, and couldn't control herself. It is insane to see how one simple thing can make such a difference...and it's been easy to pinpoint what her body isn't quite ready to properly digest yet.
UPDATES:
ANDY- he's done with all six stages of Intro and has moved onto the Full GAPS. He, apparently, had the least amount of digestive issues as he barely reacted to anything and has been able to add things with ease. Though, the healing and detoxifying will still continue on deeper levels the more he keeps on GAPS and slowly adds more foods back into his diet. I haven't asked him when he's going to add coffee yet...shockingly, we both haven't missed it too much.
VIENNA- she's currently in stage 5. She seems to be tolerating raw veggies, and olive oil well, but I can't seem to get her past honey and cooked apples/applesauce for her. They seem to set her off and she seems to get a bit gassy when she has them too. The next thing is for her to start adding raw fruit and until she can tolerate cooked apples/applesauce I am going to hold off trying any other kind. I will probably start adding other options of things like nut butters and different raw veggies while we wait a few more days.
ME- it's been quite a mess of things for me...apparently I must have the most digestive issues out of this bunch. Things went great in the beginning, and then I started having issues eating almost anything except soup. I was tempted to quit several times and just see my family through the rest of Intro, but I knew that if I just went on ahead and started on Full GAPS I would still be dealing with stomach discomfort. I am currently on stage 4. I've had trial and error with almost everything I've added, and I keep going back to the normal soup regime to give myself a couple days and try again. I can't seem to tolerate avocado at all, for some reason, it sends my stomach in serious pain. Since that's one of the first things you add I've just decided to cut it out entirely and keep moving forward, I'll try it again after I complete Intro. I just tried a raw veggie today at lunch for the first time, so we will see how I handle it...it would be nice to progress onto stage 5. I think I could really benefit from going through Intro even slower than I am...however, it is really hard to have everybody on a different page and it's hard to try to keep up my calorie intake for nursing with limited variety. So right now I'm trying to go at a steady pace as slow as I can.
I can't believe we've made it 22 days already. It's been long, but yet it has FLOWN by. As with all diet changes it takes awhile to settle in and for things to feel normal, but I am feeling like I am there. We have a good array of things to eat, we all seem to be enjoying the food a lot, food prep and cooking is not nearly as hard or as time consuming as it was two weeks ago, and heck...grocery shopping is so freaking easy because you blow it all on the same produce and meat and just start cooking things differently. It's really nice actually and less of a headache! We have all gotten used to soup and even Andy said he could eat soup for at least one meal a day in the long run--it really is quite tasty and we are really feeling amazing. :)
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